A glimpse into our family – the good, the bad, and, of course, the funny

It’s never too early for Max September 12, 2012

Filed under: children,family,humor,Max,parenting — mandyholbert @ 5:52 am
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Sometimes I get a nice warm bath ready for one of the kids before I wake them for school.  Yesterday, it was Max’s turn to be gathered from a warm cozy bed and be put straight into a soothing bubble bath.   Those early morning moments before they’re really awake are so sweet and special.  And who wouldn’t enjoy being pampered like that?  What a great way to start the day.

Three rubber ducks in foam bath

Three rubber ducks in foam bath (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was in the bathroom getting ready for work when Max stood up in the tub.

“Mommy, will you wash my back for me?” he sweetly asked in a still sleepy voice.

Will I wash his back?  Of course!  He’s starting to need me less and less as he’s becoming a big boy, a kindergarten boy, so I happily took the washcloth and lovingly started scrubbing his back.

He looked over his shoulder and smiled.  It was early.  I didn’t interpret the smile as anything but sweet.

“Mommy, will you just do my bum, too, since it’s right there?” he asked.

I smiled.  “Of course I will, honey.”

His timing was impeccable.  As soon as I had his little heinie covered with a sudsy washcloth, he blasted an exaggerated wet-cheeks fart and immediately started cackling.

I should have known better.  But, like I said, it was early.  Oh, dear.

Well, he woke me up, anyway.  I let him finish his bum himself.

somehow I don’t believe he’s only the 10th funniest boy in his class like he claims…


Confession: I Have Littered March 20, 2012

Max has been bad lately.  The kind of bad that makes eye contact with me from across a crowded room and pointedly looks away when I motion for him to come to me.  The kind of bad that may finally give in and do what I say but only after an exasperated grunt with arms folded across his chest.  Oh, man.  He’s just been getting on my nerves.

This morning was just a continuation of a weekend of disobedience.  He antagonized Kendra relentlessly on the way to drop her off at school.  Finally, the days of repeating myself, yelling, pleading, negotiating, reasoning, ignoring, and punishing caught up with me.  When they argued while I was trying to drive, I blew my top.

I yelled at them and tried to keep my car between the lines.  It was something to the effect of how they need to listen to me and stop being bad and I’m trying to drive the car and blah, blah, blah…

Well, the “blah, blah, blah” is apparently all my son heard, because as soon as I stopped yelling to take a breath and collect myself, he reached over and pinched Kendra.

She screamed.  My blood pressure was through the roof.

I did something impulsive – something drastic.  I told Max to give me his special fart-in-a-can putty that he had just gotten at a birthday party we attended over the weekend.  He had been itching to play with it.  He was taking it with him to entertain him for the day.  I told him to give it to me.  I rolled down the passenger window, and I threw that fart putty right out.


And then…

He started crying.  “Oh, no you don’t,” I said.  “If anyone should be crying, it should be me.  I’m the one who has a little boy who won’t listen to me.  You don’t cry, or I’ll throw something else out the window.”

Well, he stopped.

The rest of the ride to school was very quiet.  After Kendra got out of the car, Max and I had a talk.

“Max, what’s wrong with you?  Why are you sitting back there making that face?”

“Because I’m sad.”

“Why are you sad?”

“Because you threw my toy out the window.”

“That’s right.  That made you feel sad.  You know what?  That’s just how I feel when you don’t listen to me.  I feel sad just like that,” I told him.

I think I got through to him.  I saw him make the connection.

I’m just so thankful no one witnessed my creative parenting this morning, especially a police officer.  If he didn’t get me for reckless driving, surely I would have gotten pulled over for littering.

And I can imagine the scene that would have ensued.  Kendra would have immediately started wailing and begging the officer not to take her mother to jail.  And Max, well, I think Max would have sat back there with a smug look on his face.

A look that said Officer, please forgive my mother.  I’m not sure what gets into her sometimes.  Go easy on her.  Oh, and would you mind kindly retrieving my fart putty from the ditch over there?  Carry on.