mandyholbert

A glimpse into our family – the good, the bad, and, of course, the funny

Why I am Late for Work – Excuse # 76 September 30, 2012

It was already “one of those” mornings.  I was running behind schedule and nothing seemed to be going right.  I still needed to pack lunches, feed the kids breakfast, get them both ready, and I hoped to have time to fix my hair and put make-up on for the day…

Kendra ran into my room with a terrible look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t want to tell you because I’m afraid you’ll be mad,” she answered with a trembling bottom lip.

“No, I won’t,” I said, even though I knew there was a distinct possibility that whatever she was going to say could very easily make me mad.  I started running through possible scenarios in my head.

“My hamster DIED!” she wailed and immediately started bawling.  “I.  went.  in.  to.  feed.  her.  and,” she explained in between dramatic sobs, “she was DEAD!”

RIP little guy

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”  I pulled her into my arms and tried to comfort her as she cried.

Then, Max walked in.  He looked at his crying sister then at me then back at her.  He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You should have been more responsible.”  I glared at him as fresh howls came out of Kendra.

“Maxwell Trenton!  Get out of here!” I yelled.

“It’s all my fault,” Kendra kept crying.

Arg.

I tried to comfort her and still get things done since we did have school and work to try to get to on time.  I sent her to brush her teeth.

I rushed around the house like a wild woman, throwing lunches together and banging things around.  I could hear Max singing in the back of the house, but it didn’t register exactly what song he had chosen for the morning.

Then, when I heard Kendra start yelling, I realized what that little rascal was singing at the top of his lungs.  That’s right.  None other than “Another One Bites the Dust.”

How fitting.

If that’s not a reason to be late for work, I don’t know what is.

it was fun for a while…

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Driving Victory April 14, 2012

Filed under: Arguments,family,humor,parenting — mandyholbert @ 7:55 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m not the world’s best driver; I’ll readily admit that.  I usually consider the yellow lines more of a suggestion than a rule.  The speed limit is more advice than the law.  I’m more of a creative kind of driver.

My husband, on the other hand, is a total show-off.  He can drive down a curvy hill in the dark at full speed all while in reverse.  He can squeeze through the tightest spots that make me cringe because I think we’re sure to lose a side-view mirror.  Ronnie is the complete opposite of me – he is a very talented driver.

And it drives me crazy.

When we went to eat the other night at our favorite Mexican restaurant, there were no available parking slots.  There was, however, a space between the dumpster and another car that someone could feasibly park in if they were willing to back in the very tight spot.

I was driving.  Ronnie told me to park there, so I did what I always do.  I told him to steer and I closed my eyes and operated the pedals.  Once we were through the hairy part, I took the wheel back and finished backing in.  There was a concrete retaining wall back there.

Ronnie sometimes overreacts when I’m driving.  I don’t understand why.  Anyways, as I was finishing backing in, he all of a sudden looks over at me with bugged out eyes and snapped, “There’s a wall back there!  Stop!”

So, I naturally went a little farther and then stopped.

We got out, and here’s what we saw:

He swore I hit the wall.  I was sure I didn’t.  Well, actually, I was pretty sure I probably did, but I didn’t want to admit that I should have stopped when he told me to with his goofy bugged out eyes.  He could have told me more politely.  Like, “Dear, please stop reversing as there is a wall back there that I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you in any way.”  That would have been much nicer.

We had to get on our hands and knees to determine whether I hit it.  And HA! I didn’t hit it!

See that tiny gap?  That was talent if I ever saw it!  It was enough room for me to slide a piece of paper between my car and the wall, which I happily did as my symbol of victory.

Don’t tell my husband, but I honestly had absolutely no idea that the wall was even back there.  I don’t know how in the world I didn’t hit it, but the point is that I didn’t!  As far as I’m concerned, I couldn’t have maneuvered more precisely if I tried!

Who’s the good driver now?!

 

Boys are not Smarter than Girls April 9, 2012

Filed under: Arguments,family,humor,parenting — mandyholbert @ 6:43 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

“Boys are smarter than girls,” my seven-year-old daughter announced in the car the other day.

I am not a feminist, girl-power kind of person, but I really don’t want my little girl believing this nonsense, either.  I immediately piped up and very defensively stated, “No, they’re not!!”

As fast as I said that, my four-year-old son stated very matter-of-factly, “You thought a lizard was a snake the other day, and that’s not very smart.”

My husband started laughing, rather enjoying where this conversation was headed.

“Thanks a lot, Max.  Kendra, why would you say boys are smarter than girls?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back in the right direction.

“That’s what my teacher told us,” she answered.

“Well, I guess it was going in a hole so you couldn’t see his legs.  That’s why you thought it was a snake,” Max said.

I wasn’t talking about the snake/lizard anymore.  I was trying to tackle this misconception of my daughter’s before it negatively impacted her life.  I could just see her not reaching for her dreams because she thought boys were smarter.  For some reason, I had her as an astronaut in my mind, and even though she doesn’t want to be an astronaut, and I don’t particularly want her to be an astronaut, she can be an astronaut if that’s what she wants, darn it!

“Thanks Max.  So, Kendra, why would your teacher say that?” I asked.

“I think her teacher is right, don’t you Max?  Boys are smarter than girls, huh Buddy?” Ronnie and Max fist pumped and laughed.

“That’s not funny!  Kendra, boys are not smarter than girls!  And girls are not smarter than boys.  It depends on the individual,” I tried to explain.

Ronnie interrupted again, “Actually, boys are smarter at some things, and girls are smarter at other things.”

“That is not true!” I rather indignantly insisted. “It’s about each person, not about whether you’re a boy or a girl.”

“I guess it did look kind of like a snake, but it was a lizard.  The only reason I didn’t pick it up was because it was going in a hole,” Max said.

I was frustrated.  I was not empowering my daughter.  My husband was mocking me.  And my son was out-witting me.

I sighed.  “The only reason you didn’t pick it up is because you’re scared.  Max is scared of lizards!  Max is scared of lizards!” I taunted.  “And boys are not smarter than girls!”

See, it does depend on the person.  I have a boy and a girl, and they are both smarter than I am.

“No, I’m NOT, Mom!”

And on we rode.