A glimpse into our family – the good, the bad, and, of course, the funny

What could possibly go wrong? June 18, 2012

My sister Nickie is leaving for Germany this week to visit Sandy, our aunt who is younger than us – the one we grew up with more like a sister than an aunt.  Nickie is very excited about her trip, but she’s feeling just a little apprehension about her arrival in Germany.

You see, Sandy is a lot of things – hilarious, adventurous, loving, optimistic, intelligent – but she’s also just a tad on the silly side.  Just a tad.  When she lived in the Dominican Republic, Nickie went to visit there as well.  When Nickie arrived, no one was there to greet her at the airport.  Hours passed.  Still no Sandy.  The airport closed.  Still no Sandy.  Nickie sat on a curb outside an airport in the middle of the night waiting on Sandy who forgot to set her alarm to wake her.

Nickie (left) and Sandy in the Dominican.

I guess this is part of why Nickie is a little nervous about her arrival in Germany.  Sandy couldn’t take the day off work to meet Nickie and escort her back to her home, so she sent Nickie the following directions:

when you get to the airport, follow the DB signs (train). some guys on the internet says: “when you come through arrivals at munich airport, you will see an escalator to your right,take that and purchase your tickets at the counter dont waste time trying to figure out the machines”. so, if that’s not right, blame him. either way, DB signs. so, at the ticket window you will be buying a “single bayern”. this allows you to use all the trains in bavaria for a day. it’s 21 euro, but we may be able to re-sell it to someone here and get some of your money back. so, don’t sign it unless they make you. 
now, you will be taking either the S1 or the S8. it doesn’t matter which one. they come every 10 minutes, alternating between the 2 lines. there is only one direction option, i believe it will be displaying ostbahnhof as the destination, but if it doesn’t, no worries. it all leads to the same place. you will be getting off at hauptbahnhof, aka central station. it’s about a 40 minute ride. there should be diagrams of the route, but in case there isn’t, it’s five stops from ostbahnhof.
SO, this is where it does get a little tricky, but i think we’ll be ok. i’m not exactly sure where the S1/8 is going to dump you out, but i’m fairly certain if you just follow the crowd and go up the escalators, you will be in the main area. are you comfortable with that? you can always ask any of the train workers too. anyways, in the main area (upstairs) there are tons of little food stands, a small grocery store, i think i store called “accessorize”. there is also a huge information booth in the middle of it all. above it is the board with all the departures. just stand in line and ask for the next train to garmisch. they will tell you the platform number. from there, it’s easy to find! don’t forget to ask what time it leaves as well. they leave every hour. so, if you have time you should grab either a mozzarella and tomato sandwich or a giant chocolate muffin. mmm….
ok. the train will take about 1.5 hours to get to garmisch. the train stops are really hard to understand. i would set an alarm for an hour and 20 min. (if you have one) and try to sleep. otherwise, you will be worrying about missing the stop the whole time. i will find out the 5 stops previous to garmisch and e-mail those to you. also, if you are still worried about it, just let the ticket guy know that you want to stop in garmisch. if he speaks english, explain to him that you are unfamiliar with the stops, and to please let you know when you are there.
you can let me know if this is not specific enough for you, but the taxis are literally right across the street from the train station. you are going to get off the train, go down steps (or elevator) under the other tracks, and back up to the platform. then you can either walk through the train station or to the left and around. there is a burger king. facing the road with the BK behind you, look slightly to your right and there will be taxis. hop in one of those and tell them to take you to the abrams. should be about 7 or 8 euro. and they all know what the abrams is (our housing complex). the taxi will drop you off at the gate. have your passport out, tell the guards you are on the “access roster” (i will put you on there as a visitor before you come). they will look you up in the system and let you through. go straight, there is an entrance under the clock tower thing. go in on the left. straight down the hallway until it dead ends. there will be vending machines. turn right. through that door (open) and we are about 4 or 5 doors down on the left. room 114. it will be open.

Wow.  A few things really jump out at me in those directions…I don’t think I could do this if I were Nickie.  I wish her luck.

She asked me if I can pick her up from the airport when she gets back from her trip.  Well, I’m not sure if I can get a day off work, so I am giving her the following directions just in case:

When you land in Greenville, follow the crowd off the airplane to the main area in the airport.  I haven’t been in that airport in a few years, but I know there must be a taxi company on the premises.  Find a cab, and tell the driver to take you to downtown Greenville to the Greyhound bus station.  Once at the station, buy a ticket for Hendersonville, NC.  While waiting for your bus (I’m about 50% sure a bus runs that route at least once a day), try to take a nap while sitting against a brick wall.  I don’t think anyone will bother you.  But if they do, I’m sorry about that.  Once your bus comes, enjoy the ride through the mountains.  It will drop you off on Seventh Ave in Hendersonville.  Walk two blocks east to Fifth Ave to the post office.  Check my mail for me.  Walk two blocks east to the library.  Go to the check-out counter and say the word “camel” – the librarian will then know to let you borrow a phone to call me at work (as long as you can accomplish this before 5:00, I will still be there).  Pay my fine for my overdue books.  This will cost you approximately two US dollars.  Wait on a beanbag in the children’s reading room, but don’t fall asleep.  At exactly 5:14, I will drive by the library and slow down enough for you to jump in the rear passenger’s side door.  I will leave it unlocked.  Trust me.  I should mention that there are several delicious eateries in Hendersonville, so if you have time, please feel free to grab yourself some lunch.  Perhaps Thai food?  Oh, and welcome home.

I can’t wait to hear about Nickie’s trip to Germany and about the adventures Nickie and Sandy have as they tour Italy while she’s there.  I’m sure it will go great.  Yep, great.  I can’t imagine anything going wrong with Sandy in charge…


18 Responses to “What could possibly go wrong?”

  1. sherbear64 Says:

    I was feeling good about this trip, until I read this!!!!!!!!!

  2. Kim Says:

    I am laughing so hard, my eyes are tearing up. I enjoy all your blogs, but this is by far the best!

  3. ememby Says:

    These are quite possibly the most hilarious directions I’ve ever read… so much that could go wrong, but I hope it all goes right!

  4. Sandy Hankins Says:

    wow. i have so much to say right now.

    1. could you have picked another picture that did not so accurately display your “crazed aunt”?
    2. i was not aware that my directions were going to be read by anyone other than nickie, much less posted on the world wide web.
    3. you did not mention that nickie’s plane landed at 5:00 in the morning and i had an hour drive, meaning i had to leave at 4:00 am! also for the record, i was less than 2 hours late, which i realize is still slightly irresponsible, BUT i did not leave her stranded at the airport all day like this insinuates! 🙂
    4. i did not ask nickie to pay for any of my personal debts.
    5. your directions were hilarious.
    6. thank you for at least adding “intelligent” to my list of attributes.
    7. nickie, if you are worried about the directions, why don’t you just tell me??

    • mandyholbert Says:

      1. I looked through a lot of pictures before I found the perfect one for this post. You don’t look crazed. Maybe a tad silly, but not crazed.
      2. Considering you got part of your directions from some guy on the internet, I thought posting them was fair game.
      3. Details, details…
      4. I know, but – tell the truth – wouldn’t you have if you thought of it?
      5. My directions were nowhere near as funny as yours, and I was trying to be funny. You have a gift.
      6. I could go on all day about your positive attributes. Would you like another blog post in your honor, my dear aunt?
      7. Nickie – worry. You should definitely worry. These are terrible directions. From following the crowd, to eating a tomato sandwich, to setting an alarm on a train and going to sleep, these are by far the most random and worst directions I have ever seen. Buy a map and a German/English dictionary and do this yourself. Disregard the directions. Please. I can’t afford to fly to Germany to put up missing persons posters on all the telephone poles.

      I love you Sandy!!

  5. Christy Says:

    I LOVE all of your blogs! You are awesome! : )

  6. Jessie Clemence Says:

    Well, I hope we don’t give Aunt Sandy a bigger complex, but this whole thing is hysterical. My husband plans every detail of our trips to the tiniest detail and he has never steered me wrong. So I had him read this post and he was busting a gut. And then he read it all a second time. Way to be flexible Aunt Sandy! And we’ll be praying for you, Nickie!

    • mandyholbert Says:

      My sister Nickie is just like your husband. When she is in charge, everything is planned out to the most minute detail. She even likes to discuss where we will all sit on the way to a restaurant. That contrast between them makes it that much funnier!

  7. Jennie Banar Says:

    Note to self: be on your best behavior around Mandy and don’t put anything in writing so you don’t end up getting made fun of in one of her blog posts…I think I’ve got it! 🙂

    • mandyholbert Says:

      It’s not like that. I knew Sandy would appreciate the humor in this. I wouldn’t do that to anyone else. And I don’t blog without permission! So, feel free to be your silly self! Haha!

  8. jdgarner68 Says:

    That’s hilarious, too specific to be an exaggeration.

  9. bellesogni Says:

    I can’t imagine anything going wrong with such well planned directions! (smiles)

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