I can’t stand the hiccups. Kendra asked me how to spell “temperature” right as I took a giant inhale to hold my breath to get rid of the incessant hiccups. Ronnie was sitting on the couch beside me, so I gestured for her to ask him.
“Daddy, how do you spell temperature?” she asked him.
I sat there and listened as he started spelling T-E-M-P…
All of the sudden, his face contorted as he somehow inhaled the gum that he had been so happily chomping. The panic on his face was unmistakable. He grabbed his neck as his eyes began watering.
I told myself to remain calm. If there’s one thing Ronnie hates, it’s my overreacting in times of emergency.
He stood up and started walking around the living room, half bent over, trying to dislodge the gum. Once I realized that he was not going to get it himself, I sprang into action. I ran over and grabbed him from behind and delivered a passionate Heimlich to save him.
He gasped for air.
Then he laughed. “Are your hiccups gone?” he asked.
“That wasn’t real!? I just tried to save your life!” I punched him in the arm. “You are such a jerk!”
“Yeah, but your hiccups are gone!”
I’ve heard of scaring the hiccups out of someone, but this was taking it a little too far. I was a little miffed. Okay, maybe more than a little. After all, I had just been really proud of myself for staying so levelheaded in a time of emergency.
“At least I know I have a wife who would save my life if I needed it,” he said, trying to smooth things over a little.
It didn’t work.